making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
