Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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