for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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