I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
