Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
