I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
