I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
