And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
