in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize