8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
