Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
