saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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