you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
