meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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