im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
