Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
