I showed him my bush... on skype.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
