This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize