I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
