he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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