Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she woke up with a sticky ear
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
