Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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