i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
