he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize