"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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