I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
