Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
