Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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