I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
