I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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