how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
