8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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