I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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