Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
