This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
