Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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