I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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