no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize