new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
