I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
