Life is so much better after having sex.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my shit smells like andre
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
