I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
