Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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