ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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