The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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