well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
