theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
