I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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