Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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