I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
