I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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