The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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