look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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