Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
