She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
