so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
