It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize