I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
