It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
