My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
