I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
