he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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