i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
