Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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