Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
