I cannot find my penis.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
