would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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