it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
