He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
