You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
