dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
