No stitches, just platelets and will power
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
