If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
