The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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