I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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