Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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