Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
