as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
