After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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