if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
