Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
