Someone shit on the floor
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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