I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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