Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
