Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
