she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize