i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
