He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
