My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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