a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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