Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
