cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
