Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
