TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
