Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
