How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize