we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
