He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
why do cheetos always look like penises
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
