That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
