Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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