You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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