I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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