Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
